If there is an open door
I have left food out for the animals
Before I compromise
You are always on my mind
Feeding the captives with sugar
Hiding from yourself
Hardly worn
Caught Now in a Butterfly Swarm
Gambling in the bright sun
Plumbing new lows
At the executioner's door
Where I drove myself to hell
And found out
It was incredibly sorry
With the lights on
Desperately floodlit with prayer
Even when I hand it over
I hardly move
I feel like the windows
Believing in escape
Into the water, too
You only really want to know the rules I've had to uphold
As if it means anything anymore
In the trees, in the water, it's in the walls
And this part of the war has been my life-source
It was not the joy
It was not the joy in life that killed me
If you've starved
If you've even stopped your own heart
After you gave what did not get to the right place
Because you lose
And you lose
I am slow from the slaking of a human need
From the blackness of a snake-hole
Fireworks carefully stored and despite my health
It is not the joy
It is not the joy in life that kills me
You've only ever really known the way I've worn my clothes
By the ones I've owned, or the ones I've tried on.
credits
from The Mystery is How,
released August 4, 2020
Ella Joyce Buckley: vocals / piano / keyboards / FX / percussion / synthesizers
Suki Antonia (Sgt.Suki): violin
Gene Kierman: french horn
Helen Westcott: bass
Written by Ella Joyce Buckley
Produced, Engineered, Arranged and Mixed by Ella Joyce Buckley with Dirk Hugo
Final Mix and Master by Dirk Hugo
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